So, today I turn forty! Such a big part of me can’t really understand how I got here so quickly… Surely it wasn’t that long ago I turned thirty? I keep asking myself how I feel about it and the answer is surprisingly okay, I’m actually looking forward to this decade of my life.
It feels so much more comfortable than turning thirty. Truth be told, I haven’t enjoyed my thirties much. It’s definitely not been the best decade of my life. Your twenties are fun aren’t they? You go out there and do all the things, live life to the full, work bloody hard to create a career and set yourself up for the future. If you were me you wafted through your twenties with a careless attitude and confidence.
Then came the thirties, I was a new Mum. Don’t get me wrong bringing up Bella has been the single best experience of my life. But your body changes, you take on a bigger mortgage, your career isn’t what it used to be (as quite frankly most employers aren’t kind to Mum’s) and life seems like a massive juggling act. Your confidence gets knocked and I’m not going to lie, I found it hard to cope at times. Along with some bad luck, both my parents falling seriously ill several times and a health scare of my own it just kind of pushed me to the edge in periods.
But my forties, now that’s a whole new thing. I feel comfortable with what it is I want to do with my life. I know my own mind and have stopped questioning myself. The pressure seems to have gone. I have the confidence to go with things and feel like I’ve nothing to lose. I’m going to watch Bella grow up and I can’t wait to see what she does with her life. Quite frankly, I haven’t felt this good in a long time. I plan to take it a little more easy, go on more adventures and just enjoy myself.
I think turning a new decade always results in you re-evaluating your life, doesn’t it? You set yourself life expectations and think, “I’m going to do this or that by the time I’m forty”. I’d be lying if I said I’d achieved everything I’ve set out too, I’ve not at all. But I am feeling content. I’ve a nice home, a wonderful family and more than most. We’ve just booked a fantastic holiday and I couldn’t be happier about the way life is going right now… I think we could always do better, but that’s what life’s about, improving and refining yourself. I don’t think that should ever change. I’m a firm believer that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and that’s definitely the case with me. I’m feeling stronger than I have in a while.
For the last year or so, knowing that my birthday was coming up I’ve been saying to myself “I want to stand there on my fortieth birthday and say, yes – I’m happy right now!”. And I am, there’s things I want and need to change. For example, I need to get fitter for my health and become more confident in the body I’ve been gifted with. But, I feel like I’m able to work on this. I’m going to make time for me a bit more in my forties and nurture myself in the best possible way. I think I deserve this and that’s the kind of confidence that I think forty brings.
So I say, welcome you lovely new decade! Let’s do this!!!!
P.S. It is perfectly normal when you’re turning forty to look at other people who are your age and tell yourself you definitely don’t look the same age as them. It’ll make you feel better, but the truth is you probably do look exactly that age – eeekkk! In your head, you’ll always still be twenty!